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THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE JUST PLAIN FUGLY!

The 2009 movie season is over! Cue the Tabernacle Choir and tell those Mormons to belt out the Hallelujah Chorus! The movie year, for all practical purposes, was a disappointment. While I gave I Love You, Man an “A” way back in March, I didn’t assign another letter grade that high until November! 2009 was slim-damn pickins, Peeps! While there were lots of floating turds in the Hollywood waters, there were some shining stars. So, here goes . . . some of the best movies of the year (in no particular order) and some of the worst! Keep in mind, my deadline for this column was December 15^th and the true “best film of the year” could have possibly been released after press time!

SOME OF THE BEST

A Serious Man (Focus Features)

Though their No Country for Old Men won a Best Picture Oscarâ, the Coen brothers, Ethan and Joel, royally pissed off a lot of filmgoers with that movie’s abrupt and incomprehensible ending. In A Serious Man, however, the Coens save the best for last! Rooted in deep traditions of Hebrew storytelling, A Serious Man rolls out the Yiddish and presents us with the story of Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg), a seemingly cursed Midwestern Jew who, for all he tries to be good, can’t escape the bad. Tempted constantly to do the “wrong” thing, Gopnik always chooses the noble alternative. That is until he’s just had enough and, for the first time in his life, chooses a dishonest path. In that very instant, two things happen. The phone in his office rings and a tornado brews outside. If Larry Gopnik thought he was cursed before, just wait to see what the angry gods have in store. This is Serious!  

District 9 (TriStar)

If Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings, King Kong, The Lovely Bones) throws his name and weight behind your film, you know you must be doing something right! And that’s exactly what happened to director Neill Blomkamp. Jackson fell in love with Blomkamp’s story, of an alien race of “prawns” who find themselves relegated to the ghettos of Johannesburg, South Africa, then made sure the rest of us got to see it. District 9 is startlingly original, political and moving. When I find myself crying for a creature that looks like a crawfish, I know I’m having a truly unique theatre-going experience. This is visionary.   

Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire (Lionsgate)

Simply put, this movie is a showcase of powerhouse acting. Virtual unknown Gabby Sidibe melts into the title role. As Precious, a mentally and physically-abused 16-year-old Harlem girl who’s pregnant by her own father for the second time, Sidibe shines and inspires. And, at the end of the film, Mo’Nique, who normally makes her money as a stand-up comic, delivers a gut-wrenching monologue of admission, rage, and guilt that is so good she makes a despicable character sympathetic. And how about Mariah Carey? As Precious’ social worker, Carey gives a grounded, understated and multi-layered performance which proves that all that Glitters is sometimes gold!

The Cove (Roadside Attractions)

Louie Psihoyos’ takes on this heart-breaking story about dolphin capture and slaughter in Taiji, Japan much in the way John Carpenter would. He stages it like a thriller. One look at this daunting Japanese cove through Psihoyos’ lens and you just know bad things happen here. And Psihoyos, with the help of Richard O’Barry, who captured and trained dolphins for Flipper then had a massive change of heart about the true nature and consequence of captivity, is hell-bent on breaking Japanese law and exposing us to those horrors. The Cove is educational, infuriating, pulse-pounding and just downright bloody. The next time you have the urge to swim with dolphins or go to Sea World you should stop and consider the dolphins that didn’t make it out of The Cove.

An Education (Sony Classics)

Carey Mulligan, who snagged this season’s first Best Actress award from the National Board of Review, is turning heads in director Lone Scherfig’s tale of Jenny, a 16-year-old prep school girl lured away from her studies by the attentions and affections of an older man (Peter Sarsgaard). David exposes Jenny to society, art, culture, and wealth. But her real “education” is coming and those around her know it. Olivia Williams (The Sixth Sense) stars as Jenny’s teacher Miss Stubbs, who can’t fathom this talented and intellectual student wasting her potential on a man. Emma Thompson is devilish and delightful as the school’s headmistress, who is just waiting for her opportunity to tell Jenny, “I told you so.”

Every Little Step (Sony Classics)

In 1976, choreographer/director Michael Bennett took Broadway by storm with the Pulitzer Prize-winning musical A Chorus Line. Some thirty years later, directors Adam Del Deo and James D. Stern turn their cameras on the team in charge of casting the revival. Many members of that team are old cronies of Bennett and characters in A Chorus Line are actually based on their lives. So it’s fascinating to watch them audition hundreds and hundreds of talented hopefuls trying to find younger versions of themselves. That audition process is grueling and emotional. And, speaking of emotional, watch Jason Tam’s riveting audition as A Chorus Line character “Paul.” You will never see a finer display of acting.  

I Love You, Man (Paramount)

Hysterically funny. And as refreshing as a Tiger Woods’ Gatorade. Oops! That’s off the shelves, isn’t it? Along Came Polly director John Hamburg saved the first quarter of the 2009 movie season with this side-splitting comedy romp. Paul Rudd

stars as Peter, who, because he has absolutely no candidates for a “best man” at his upcoming wedding, is encouraged by his fiancé to find some male friends. He eventually bromances Sydney, played by Jason Segel (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) and the two forge a friendship that is unconventional and hilarious. This is, hands-down, the funniest movie of the year and one of the best comedies of the entire decade.  

Food, Inc. (Magnolia)

I said in my November column that I haven’t stopped thinking about Robert Kenner’s documentary on our nation’s food industry since I saw it. Since that column, I have watched Food, Inc. again and have lost even more of my appetite. At this point, I’m one more missed sandwich away from being an Olsen twin. I said a couple of months ago and am fully prepared to say it again . . . Food, Inc. should be required viewing for every carnivore in this country. Why? Because Robert Kenner takes his cameras deep into the chicken houses, meat processing plants, and food factories of America. His hypothesis is simple. The way we eat has changed so drastically because of industry that now we barely even know what it is we’re eating. Scary!

Invictus (Warner Bros.)

Nothing is more unifying than sports and newly-elected South African president Nelson Mandela knew it. That’s precisely why, in 1995, he looked to Francois Pienaar (played here by Matt Damon) and the South African rugby team to aim for the World Cup title. They won it and, in the process, united a nation and encouraged its people to celebrate beyond the bounds of color. The average theatre-goer will look to Sandra Bullock’s The Blind Side as the feel-good sports story of the year. But stellar direction by Clint Eastwood and an amazing transformation into Mandela by Morgan Freeman make Invictus the real touchdown. It’s rousing, politically-charged and triumphant.  

THE WORST MOVIES OF THE YEAR

#5- The Box (Warner Bros.)

Question for Cameron Diaz . . . If I push that button what happens to you?

#4- Orphan (Warner Bros.)

One of best comedies of the year! Only, it’s not a comedy! It’s a suspense thriller about a serial killer with a rare form of dwarfism. Are you sh*tting me?

#3- All About Steve (20^th Century Fox)

Sandra Bullock “blindsided” us all with this romantic comedy attempt complete with three-legged babies, cicadas, tornados, crossword puzzles and Thomas Haden Church. And, let’s not forget my favorite line of the movie, when Sandra Bullock says to a trucker, “Thanks for not raping me.” Well, Sandra that’s a nice sentiment. But, I’m the one who needs a cotton swab in the cookie.

#2- Observe and Report (Warner Bros.)

Speaking of cookies, when Seth Rogen’s bipolar mall cop takes on a serial flasher, we get eye level with every inch of junk in the trunk. God help my retinas! There is not enough Visine® in the world to get this red out! A horrible movie that should never have gotten a studio green light.  

#1- Year One (Sony Pictures)

If you read my October column, you likely saw this one coming. Director Harold Ramis’ (Analyze This, Bedazzled, The Ice Harvest) aimless and laugh-free “comedy” stars Jack Black and Michael Cera as two guys named Zed and Oh, who are forced out of their primitive tribe and embark on a journey through the early days of man. I have been in portable toilet facilities that stink less than this film. In fact, I once visited the North Rim of the Grand Canyon in the off-season and used one such facility that hadn’t been tended to in months. When I opened the door of that particular Port-O-Let, a swarm of 10,000 flies flew out of the structure onto my face. That was more pleasurable than this movie.