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Beer

Misc. — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 17:48:53 GMT

SPRECHER BREWING - MAMMA MIA! PIZZA BEER (Michigan, USA)

Sharon: 1

Smells like garlic breadsticks. Too much like garlic breadsticks. It tastes like someone dumped a cup of that garlic butter stuff you dip your breadsticks in my glass while I wasn’t looking. GROSS! You have to plug your nose just to get it close enough to your mouth to take a drink. I hate this more than I hate a fruit flavored beer.

Todd: 2

Seriously, this one's not as bad as you might imagine, but it is an odd and unusual beer that's probably best described as a novelty (or 'extreme' beer). This golden ale infuses oregano, basil, tomato, and garlic into the mix for a 'pizza' kind of flavoring. The aroma (basil and oregano) is appealing, and the taste (more of the tomato and

garlic) is strange, but drinkable. Nonetheless, not something you'll be chugging anytime soon. Worth a try, at least, and points for, umm, originality!

Tom: 1

Pizza and beer go well together, just not in the same bottle. It smells like it’s described – like a pizza. The dough is the strongest scent along with tomato, basil, and garlic. The smell is hard to get past. If you hold your nose, it tastes better, but is still pretty wimpy and bland. A hint of the pizza flavors come on at the finish, just enough to be annoying. I might make it through a bottle with a couple slices of pizza, but I wouldn’t recommend it under any other circumstance.

Brad: 4

Reading the label, I did not think I would enjoy this one at all. “Ale brewed with Oregano, Basil, Tomato & Garlic” just did not sound at all appealing to me. But the flavor is actually better for the ware with all those extra ingredients, which, after tasting, seem more functional than novel. The bouquet is like you might expect – beer with a hint of tomato sauce, kind of weird, but kind of interesting at the same time. The taste is smooth and bold, without being bitter or strange. This actually could be the Holy Grail – the perfect companion beer to pizza. This brewery is onto something, I think.

BODDINGTON'S PUB ALE (Ludon, England

Sharon: 2

Wait… running for the paper towels. I followed the directions on the can and it still fizzed all over the table. When poured it looks like a cream style ale but settles clear. Not a full flavored beer. Kind of tastes watered down. The finish is much nicer than the initial watery taste. I’m a little disappointed I thought it would have more flavor.

Todd: 1

The novelty of the pressurized can wears off as soon as this ultra-fizzy, bland, plain beer hits to palate. Ugh. The weak, artificial taste just kills this one. Nasty stuff.

Tom: 3

I’ve had Boddington’s several times before, usually as something light to finish off a long night of IPAs and stouts. It is a lighter than expected, creamy pub ale. The can actually contains a nitrogen charge to ensure proper creaminess and a thick, foamy head. A very mild smell and flavor, which is un-offensive, but too mild to rank higher.

Brad: 5

Referred to in ads as the “cream of Manchester,” first thing I notice about Boddingtons is that the cans come in pint sizes, not this crappy 12 oz. size Americans have been trained to accept. The pour is perhaps the most intriguing thing about this English ale, besides the taste. It is said to be best drought, which is undoubtedly true, but in order to import it and serve it to home consumers and replicate the air/beer mixture necessary to produce the smooth, creamy head, the can contains an innovative pressurized Droughtflow® System insert you might mistake for a chunk of ice rattling around in your beer can. The insert aids in the production of the millions of bubbles necessary to form that thick swarm of head that shortly becomes a deep amber colored beer when poured, a process which is fascinating to watch and doubly pleasurable to drink. Despite all this head formation at the outset, this beer is surprisingly devoid of gas, not inspiring a single burp out of me – a welcome change for those with stomach issues, or who are planning on necking at some point. Tasting more like a lager than an ale; Boddingtons has a smooth, distinct flavor that sits in the mouth for a moment, and is actually welcome doing so. Not at all bitter or punchy like some ales are prone to be, Boddingtons is one of those rare beers that manages to be exciting yet comfortably ordinary at the same time. Quiet an excellent beer.

MICHELOB HONEY LAGER (St. Louis, USA)

Sharon: 3

Smells sweet like honey and looks like it too. Good flavor with just a touch too much honey. But not enough that I don’t want to finish it.

Todd: 3

A nice, sweet bouquet, and a crisp, clean appearance. Prominent honey infusion. A palatable and agreeable lager, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Tom: 2

Not surprisingly, it tastes and smells like Michelob with a touch of honey. Like you’d expect from a macro brew, this one is a little thin and watery. It has a sweet, almost syrupy honey finish. Not terrible, but I probably wouldn’t drink more than one.

Brad: 1

An attractive honey-colored lager that has a non-descript, almost watery initial taste, with an aftertaste that, while not particularly impressive, is not particularly offensive either. I think this one may have suffered in this review by being next in line after the Boddingtons. Just about anything would have paled by comparison to that beer.

NEW HOLLAND LUCID KOLSCH STYLE (Michigan, USA)

Sharon: 5

Light yellow and cloudy. Yum! It has a little bit of a bite at first but finishes nice, with no unwelcome aftertaste. One of my favorite Kölsch style beers. Can someone please tell me why there is the word “the” printed on the underside of the bottle cap?

Todd: 4

This cloudy, but well-balanced beer is smooth, with a very even, consistent follow through. A Kölsch is kind of a middle-ground between ale and lager, so this one would be a good 'beer tour' type for someone looking to branch out from mainstream lagers. A solid mix of hops and malts, and a tasty drink.

Tom: 4

I have never been a huge fan of the Kölsch style, but maybe I just haven’t tried the right ones. I opened the Lucid convinced that I wouldn’t be impressed. I was wrong. It has a golden color and a nice head. It has a clean smell and smooth, medium body. It had a very balanced taste with nothing exceptional to point to other than a maybe a hint of lemon. This is good summer beer. I could sit in the backyard and drink several of these.

Brad: 3

Color is a nice, deep, translucent, wheaty yellow, characteristic, I’m told, of Kölsch style beer, while the bouquet is similar to a Weiss. The taste, however, is definitely hoppier, less sweet than most Weiss beers, but not anywhere approaching overkill. It seems to be recommended with the Kölsch family of beers you drink it drought, but unless you’re prepared to travel to one of the handful of micro-breweries outside Cologne, Germany that make this style of beer, you’re stuck with bottles. If you pick up a sixer of this, you’ll definitely want to pour it into a glass. Don’t waste it by drinking it out of the bottle. The traditional glass for this beer is a tall, straight cylindrical one, but just about any style glass would have to be better than leaving it in the bottle. Much better after a breather in a glass, I found. Comparing sips from a glass and from a bottle was no comparison. Glass wins, hands down. This beer needs to breathe.

CLIPPER CITY HOLY SHEET UBER-ABBEY ALE (Maryland, USA)

Sharon: 4

Holy Sheet is right! 9% alcohol content! Brown nutty color. Almost too much yeast for me with a slight caramel flavor. I never thought I’d say this, but they need to decrease the alcohol content to improve the flavor.

Todd: 5

Wow. This is a hella-potent (9% ABV) brew that pours a deep, bourbon-like amber. Definitely not the usual Belgian-style here, as this strong and sturdy brew has a very sweet, malty taste (kinda fruity) that attempts to mask the strong alcohol presence. Good stuff for the experienced drinker.

Tom: 5

This is a Belgian strong dark ale. I debated on my top choice, but 9% ABV won out in the end. This pours a nice dark amber, almost burgundy color. The smell is fairly complex with a sweetness, hints of dark fruits, and maybe even a little rum. The taste is also sweet with a subtle fruitiness. Holy Sheet is aptly named as I suspect that some variation of its name will be uttered by those first experiencing its quite evident, perhaps a little hot, alcohol presence. It’s a quite drinkable beer, but it is powerful both in flavor and in effect, so after one or two you’ll probably be ready to move on to something a little lighter.

Brad: 2

Pouring a distinct burgundy color, just like the label says, Holy Sheet, seems promising enough. The bouquet is almost flowery – muted, yet promising of something interesting to come. The overall taste does not disappoint on the “interesting” front. It is almost like a wine in its fruity, flowery richness. It’s bold, punchy, rich…and any number of other adjectives meaning roughly: “curious to sample, impossible to chug.” Holy Sheet is an uninhibited, explosive, punch in the taste buds, and I’d dare anyone to try and finish an entire six-pack of it without turning a deep burgundy color yourself by the end. While the chug factor is not my only criteria here, I cannot give more than a 2 rating at this time given my lack of immediate desire for a second glass.

CD Reviews

People Who See Sound — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 20:43:58 GMT

Little Beirut

High Dive

(www.littlebeirut.com)

Rating: 3

Owing as much to 60s bubble gum and as anything listed in their influences, unsigned Portland act, Little Beirut, weave together a sound on High Dive that is very much in its time, yet harkens back to these more naïve forms. Lush, orchestral pop hooks, phantasmagoric backing vocals, and layered textures all fill out the musical space on this record, creating a sense of being carried out to sea on a bubble of modern guitar and synth pop. Out of the gate, “She’s a Martyr,” probably the best produced song on the album, assaults the senses as each instrument screams out in muted desperation, spilling its musical banks like a low raging torrent. But thereafter, this tension is traded for a softer, slicker, more radio-friendly vibe. Outside the opening track, the band and their restful sound seem to work best on the ballads “Love During Wartime,” a tongue-in-cheek love song to Condoleeza Rice that somehow manages to be touching even though the thought of touching her is beyond abhorrent, and the title track “High Dive.” Here, the delayed guitars and atmospheric synths make sense in their muted tranquility. We find the production doing its job and couching the listener in an emotional cushion befitting the tranquil sentiment. Ultimately, however, and maybe this sense would disappear after more listens, the soul of the more upbeat songs, the razor’s edge of those shrieking guitar lines, the constant, unresolved dissonance found in the album’s opening track, all seem buried beneath a thin layer of fog created by too slick a-production and too much mind for perfection in the balance between instruments. When everyone is in the pocket, no one sticks out, and the music seems to lack excitement…lack sincerity. There are a few moments of this on the record. Still, Dive has some truly impressive moments that bear revisiting – a nice independent release.

-Brad Linzy

Iron Maiden and the New Wave of British Heavy Metal

[DVD]

(Chrome Dreams)

Rating: 3.5

A fascinating and historically accurate documentary portrayal of the bands, writers, and fans that helped give rise to the New Wave of British Heavy Metal (NWOBHM). Featuring expertly delivered commentary by a host of musicians and writers who were there during the scene’s unlikely and spontaneous explosion after 1976, this DVD gives viewers a glimpse into a post-punk time and place in a jolly land called England, where young men clad in leather and denim would learn a few chords and start their own bands…but bigger, faster, and more powerful than what had come before. With performance clips from bands like Saxon, Samson, Tygers of Pan Tang, Diamondhead, Def Leppard, and, of course, Iron Maiden, this documentary explores the rare footage and little knows facts about the movement, and sheds new light on its significance to modern heavy metal music. Clocking in at 2 hours 37 minutes, this DVD is more than a history lesson; it’s an exhaustive course in NWOBHM 101, and a must-see for any self-respecting metal enthusiast.

-Brad Linzy

Clark Snyder

A Complicated Cake

(Pugetropolis)

Rating: 3.5

Part Waylon Jennings, part Gordon Lightfoot. Part John Prine, part Tom Waits. Clark Snyder is another one of those accomplished lyricists who knows how to take the mundane imagery of the modern world and make it seem somehow timeless…somehow poetic. It’s a talent secured by those who are able to see the beauty and irony in almost anything. Sung in a deadpan baritone with just a hint of twang, and with comic metaphor in songs like “Hubcap,” sung from the point of view of a lost hubcap on the side of the road longing for his companion Chevy Malibu, Snyder recalls a lyrical adventurousness and focus usually associated with people like those mentioned above. This lyrical cleverness continues on songs like “The Parts I Like,” which admits it’s ok not to know all the lyrics, so long as you sing along to the parts you like. With a simple, sparse production predominated by Snyder’s vintage Gibson B-25 acoustic, A Complicated Cake is one album that can never be accused of being insincere. Far from being “complicated,” it is Cake’s simplicity that is its greatest asset. A couple of the songs seem to have been written as gifts for various occasions. It is as simple as the satisfaction felt after finishing cutting the grass on a blazing summer day, or as fresh as the glass of lemonade with which you quench your thirst. There doesn’t have to be much more to it than that. A good song speaks for itself. It comes from one heart in a spontaneous act of reaching out to another. This is what Snyder has accomplished here… at least the reaching out part. The rest is up to you.

-Brad Linzy

The Melvins

Nude With Boots

(Ipecac)

Rating: 4.5

It’s time to believe in the power of rock again! The Melvins are back with an uncompromising new album that’s got all the proto-metal jams you could possibly want. Like a giant robotic elephant, stomping and sh*tting all over your pretty, little tart face, the furor and rage of Boots will knock you flat on your pathetic, unsuspecting ass. Dale Crover’s relentless drumming will tack your crusty ballsack to the wall, while Buzz and co. flay the skin off with the acid-tinted razors of their metal. Formed almost a quarter century ago, their total disregard for the conventions of music, for the social constructs of life as a biped on a little floating ball in space, and for the boundaries between what is and what should never have been is perhaps what sets The Melvins apart from anything borne of the comparative creative wasteland of the past decade or more of singalong, Eddie Vedder-imitating asswipes calling themselves “rockers.” Warning: The Melvins will not be held responsible for any ultra-violence, riotous acts, or megalomania that ensue with the July release of Boots. Lock up your children. You have been warned. This is the good sh*t. I suggest requesting “The Smiling Cobra,” for starters. That song rocks so hard, I can feel the North American tectonic plate shifting just with these dinky computer speakers I’m relegated to using. I can’t imagine the galactic catastrophe that would ensue if I had a decent McIntosh all-tube sound system to send it through. I shudder to think.

-Brad Linzy

Film Previews & DVD Reviews

Chad Benefield — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 20:19:45 GMT

FILM PREVIEWS

July 2nd

Hancock (Sony Pictures)

It drives me crazy when I watch action movies starring superheroes who bitch and moan about having superpowers. Excuse me! If I had superpowers, I would use them daily. I would fly to work. I would knock over armored trucks. I would throw people I don’t like across the room. And I would use my X-ray vision for purely prurient purposes (smell that alliteration!). That’s right! I’d be seeing a whole lot of people naked without them knowing it. In director Peter Berg’s (The Kingdom, Friday Night Lights) Hancock, Will Smith stars as a superhero who’s an overblown alcoholic burdened by the fact that he has superpowers and must save lives. In this case, the bitching and moaning superhero is actually a guy EVERYONE hates. Los Angeles thinks it’s cool it has a superhero, but this guy? I’m digging this premise and I am really digging the super special effects in the trailer. They look amazing! Will Smith actually rose to superstardom on a July 4^th weekend way back in 1996 with the release of Independence Day. We’ll see if Hancock can sober up long enough to let freedom ring this year!

July 11th

Meet Dave (Fox)

Chad, meet the deadly rocks below the cliff you just jumped from. Chad, you’re gushing blood, so meet this lagoon full of sharks. Eddie Murphy stars as Dave, who, despite his rather human features, is actually a spaceship housing miniature aliens who come to Earth seeking ways to save their planet. Meet Dave is helmed by Brian Robbins, the man who directed Eddie Murphy right out of an Academy Award in Norbit. You remember that story, right? Eddie Murphy was expected to win an Oscar for his role in Dreamgirls. Then, the tragic Norbit was released right around the time that the official Academy Award ballots were circulating Hollywood. Despite the fact that Dreamgirls reminded everyone just how good Eddie Murphy can be, Norbit was the painful reality check that reminded everyone just how bad Eddie usually is. Meet Dave! Another reminder.

July 18th

The Dark Knight (Warner Brothers)

This was going to be huge anyway. That said, the untimely death of one its stars, Heath Ledger, has made this a sure-fire blockbuster. But let’s be honest a second about the Batman franchise. In 1989, Tim Burton’s Batman was a hit because of Jack Nicholson. Nicholson, of course, brought The Joker to big-screen life. Every Batman movie since has been lacking a villain that vital. And, come on! It doesn’t matter who plays Batman, because Batman is a bitching and moaning drag. Could there be a more morose crime-fighter? In director Christopher Nolan’s second go-around with the franchise (he directed the tepid Batman Begins), Heath Ledger assumes the role of Batman’s most revered nemesis. As The Joker, Ledger looks AMAZING! There is already posthumous Oscar talk in Hollywood for a man that should have won a statue for his work in Brokeback Mountain. Heath Ledger was a gifted actor who had it all together when the cameras were rolling. Too bad, his life was so unscripted when the cameras were off.

July 25th

The X-Files: I Want To Believe (Fox)

What an interesting exercise! It was 10 years ago that the first X-Files movie was released to theatres. The television show was still going strong and the movie actually helped propel the series’ guiding mythology. But it’s that “black oil, government conspiracy” storyline that eventually did the show in. Series creator Chris Carter and his staff of writers let the mythology get so convoluted not even they could make sense of it. The stars of the show bowed out, its fans quit watching and the series ended with a resounding thud! But now, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are dusting off those X-Files! For me, the series always worked best when it dealt with supernatural mysteries that were discovered, explained and contained within the time limits of one episode. Though he has refused to fully take the lid off the cookie jar, Chris Carter has given us a crumb or two that indicate that’s the intent with the new flick. Let me get a loan so I can afford some popcorn and a soft drink from the concession stand (about $20 right?). I WANT TO BELIEVE!

July 25th

Step Brothers (Sony)

An appropriate title given the fact that I actually have urges to hunt down Will Farrell and beat him like a red-headed stepchild. The 2008 movie season has worn me out. I have had to endure The Eye, Over Her Dead Body, Fool’s Gold, Jumper, You Don’t Mess With The Zohan, The Happening (what in the hell was that?), and Semi-Pro. That’s right, Will Farrell! I had to endure Semi-Pro. I have already been forced to watch one of your movies this year. And I cannot imagine watching you and your pal John C. Reilly star as two grown men who become childish, bickering step brothers when their single parents marry. Haven’t my people suffered enough? Can you not let my people go? Someone hand me a shovel. We’re going to dig an Underground Railroad and tunnel out of the theatre! Who’s with me?

__________________________________________________________

VIDEO REVIEWS

July 1^st

Drillbit Taylor (Paramount)

The best part about the latest Owen Wilson debacle is that its title actually gives you the suggestion of something you can shove into your eye sockets so you won‘t have to endure it. Yes, a drill bit! Wilson has made a career out of playing the same, tired character. You know the one, right? The uber-slacker who’s disheveled, unmotivated, irritating and thoroughly uninteresting. He’s played that guy in You, Me and Dupree, Shanghai Nights, among countless others films. He plays him here and that’s the biggest problem with director Steven Brill’s (Without A Paddle, Mr. Deeds . . . two drill bits, four drill bits, six drill bits a dollar!) effort. Characters like Drillbit are exhausting, because they are impossible to like or root for. A character without ambition, motivation or any other redeeming quality will simply kill a movie. If I want to watch something mope around, I’ll buy a pet snail. GRADE: D+

July 8^th

Stop-Loss (Paramount)

Look. War-in-Iraq movies are a tough sell and, though there seem to be a lot of movies about the subject, there aren’t a lot of people going to see them. Paul Haggis’ In The Valley Of Elah is the superior film in the lot because it packed every single punch. In that movie (which was #2 on my Top Ten list last year), Haggis said exactly what he wanted to, even if what he was saying was polarizing and unpopular. I expected the same approach in this film and here’s why. Stop-Loss is written and directed by Kimberly Peirce, the woman who gave us the uncompromising Boys Don’t Cry, which earned Hillary Swank her first of two Academy Awards. I thought Peirce was a good choice to direct this movie about a young soldier (played by Ryan Phillippe in a fine performance) who makes a run for the border to avoid being sent back to Iraq for a second tour of duty. I thought she packed the cajones necessary to take a bold position, but oddly she ends up seeming a little neutered. Wait a minute! I guess I should say she seems spayed! When it’s all said and done, Peirce seems to ride the fence. Sorry, but everyone I know has a specific opinion about the War in Iraq. That issue, for most Americans, is purely black and white. Though parts of this film work, there are way too many shades of gray. GRADE: B-

July 8^th

Superhero Movie (MGM)

Writer/director Craig Mazin likely thought he was snagging some real star power when he landed spoof-movie legends Leslie Neilsen and Robert Hayes, both of whom starred in Airplane! and helped make it the definitive parody film. Sadly, the lame sophomoric jokes those actors are saddled with simply serve as painful reminders of how funny they USED to be. Put on a pair of tights, lace up a cape and fly head first into a brick wall. You’ll have more fun! GRADE: D

July 15^th

The Bank Job (Lionsgate)

Former Olympic diver Jason Statham has made a lot of movies (Crank, Snatch, The Transporter, Ghosts Of Mars) and I haven’t like any of them. His presence, paired with the presence of his female co-star Saffron Burrows (Troy, Reign Over Me, Deep Blue Sea), had me worried about this throwback to the heist movies of the 1970’s. But, to quote Gomer Pyle, this was a “Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!” Full of schemers, shady characters, fast talkers and fence straddlers, this film plays like a vintage heist thriller from yesteryear. GRADE: B

July 15^th

Step Up 2 The Streets (Buena Vista)

Remember a few years back when gay characters started popping up in virtually every movie and television show? Then, a bit later, midgets started to pop up in nearly every movie and television show? Well, now, dancers are everywhere! Yes, dancers are the new gay . . . the new midget! Thanks to television shows like Dancing with the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance and movies like this, entertainment buffs are busting a move! And, I cannot believe I am saying this, but I actually liked this movie. Yes, it’s completely formulaic and full of stock characters, but the dancing is UNBELIEVABLE! The Dixie Chicks told us (before they were burned at the stake), “Some days you gotta dance!” GRADE: B-

July 22^nd

21 (Sony Pictures)

Kevin Spacey, you have to know when to hold them. Know when to fold them. Trust me, it’s time to fold them. The dealin’ is done. Ironically, a movie about characters who card count to measure the hand they’ve been dealt, features the work of two men who cannot see the writing on the wall. Spacey is over. For Robert Luketic, who directed these classics (kidding!), Monster-In-Law, Win A Date With Tad Hamilton!, and Legally Blonde, it never really started in the first place. GRADE: C

Beer Reviews

Misc. — Wed, 28 May 2008 19:08:22 GMT

Bell’s Brewery: Oberon Ale

Brad: 4

A very cloudy, amber-colored beer with nice earthy, complex taste. Every grain of wheat seems to leap out at the taste buds. This brew has a very clean, unadulterated taste, as if nothing artificial has ever contacted it. Understated, rich, and ultimately drinkable.

Sharon: 3

Cloudy amber color with a slight hoppy smell. It boarders on being too hoppy for me. It has a good finish with out an unpleasant aftertaste. But the longer it sits the hoppier it tastes.

Todd: 4

Nicely-hopped for a wheat beer, but lacking any fruity resonance.

Definitely a decent brew here, and a strong showing for Bell's, who I think are kinda hit-n-miss with their beers. Solid and drinkable.

Tom: 3

Bell’s Oberon Ale: I’ve always thought that Oberon had an odd smell that didn’t match its taste. Thankfully, it tastes better than it smells, although more like a pilsner than ale to me.

Leinenkugel: Summer Shandy

Brad: 3

I don’t know that I’ve ever tasted anything quite like this. My first impression of the color screamed “lemon.” It’s got a bright yellow, lemony color about it. The bouquet confirmed what the color only hinted at – this is going to very lemony and bad, I thought… but I was wrong. The lemon flavor gives this wheat beer a zing that is actually welcome. I’ve tasted beers that tried mimicking raspberry, strawberry, and orange before, but never lemon. Strictly speaking, I still haven’t, since this is no mimic; it’s made with real lemon flavor. My wife tells me that Shandys are typically made with half lager half 7up where she’s from; this one is a Weiss. This would make a nice shade tree drink on a hot summer afternoon after busting ass mowing the lawn.

Sharon: 2

Smells like lemon bars from Maxine’s. Very cloudy, you can’t see through it. The taste is hard to explain. The beer is light but the lemon flavor is almost too overpowering.

Todd: 1

Light and simple, and definitely a Summer-style beer. Very light and lemonade-like in appearance, too. No complexity in flavor, and this one tastes like someone poured some sugary lemonade into a light beer. No, thanks.

Tom: 1

Recipe for homemade Summer Shandy - take one of those cute little bottles of lemon juice shaped like a lemon and empty it into a bottle of cold beer. Stir.

Blue Dawg Brewing: Wild Blueberry Lager

Brad: 2

Popping the top on this one, it’s immediately apparent that this is a blueberry flavored beer. The smell is intensely fruity. While the aftertaste leaves an impression that you’ve just eaten an appetizing blueberry muffin, the initial burst of flavor is a far too strong and mush too syrupy. So often, you come across beers you wish you could just tweak a little this way or that. This is one of those beers. A bit less blueberry flavoring, and this one would have been a good beer. As is, it tastes more like blueberry flavored Mad Dog 20/20 than a lager. Still, it didn’t stop me from finishing the bottle.

Sharon: 1

The only reason this one is in last place is because it just doesn’t taste like beer. It looks and smells like sparkling grape soda. Wait…hold on…I’m having a flashback from 1988(Wayne’s World style) I’m standing at The Purple Cow drinking Purple Passion, we all have big hair. Sorry, I’m back. It’s actually pretty good, but I wouldn’t call it beer. It’s very apparent in the taste that the alcohol content is 8%! My sister-in-law would love it!

Todd: 2

Yummy deep-blue appearance, and an aroma of fresh, tasty blueberries. Looking forward to this one already! But the flavor is what's important, and this one comes across like an alcoholic grape soda.

Tom: 2

I think that there’s been a mistake. This looks, smells, and tastes like a wine cooler. The only thing beer-like about it is the bottle. Nevertheless, the 8% alcohol (and the repulsive taste of the Leinie) keeps this one out of last place.

Negra Modelo Dark

Brad: 4

Being no stranger to Negra Modelo, I knew going into this review that I would be covering a deep, rich brew with a dark color and even darker flavor. Like burnt coffee in its intensity, NM is a brooding concoction that brings the taste buds into new territories of sophistication.

Sharon: 4

Dark in color , but not heavy in taste. Yummy caramel-nutty flavor. Goes down nice with a mild aftertaste. Great flavor without being overpowering.

Todd: 3

A decent, if unremarkable beer, mild, malty, and really sort of bland. Dark caramel appearance. Ideal for spicier foods, though (like Mexican), though, so this one gets by.

Weird and un-beerlike. And not very good at all.

Tom: 4

I have never been a big fan of Mexican beers, but when I get one, it’s almost always a Negra Modelo. For those of you fearful of dark beers, it looks a lot darker than it tastes.

Music

People Who See Sound — Wed, 28 May 2008 18:38:14 GMT

Professor Sathafunkilus and the Mysterion of Rock

Joe Satriani (Epic/Red Ink)

On the obelisk of modern rock guitar pharaohs, few inscribed names are more revered than Joe "Satchmo" Satriani. Perhaps as well known in larger circles for his famous students as his own guitar work, (he gave lessons to Kirk Hammett of Metallica back in the day), Satriani has been an important and respected influence and participant in the guitar renaissance that began in the last half of the 20th Century and continues today. On his latest effort, Professor Sathafunkilus and the Mysterion of Rock, we see Satch doing what he does best: injecting melodic solos over some TV-dinner-style, ready-made backing tracks with a tone and technique that's grade-A. But while this might be enough to impress players of the Guitar Hero videogame or student guitarists taking their first unsure steps across the fret board, the average listener will undoubtedly wonder "Where are all the songs?" Or, "When does the singing kick in?" While it may not be exactly fair to hold someone known for 6-minute guitar solos to the same songwriting standards as, say, a Paul Simon (would we complain if Paganini returned to do an album of nothing but violin solos?), it must be pointed out that Satch's latest effort seems to suffer from the same drawback many in the "guitar god" genre suffer from - there isn't a single decent 'song' anywhere on the disc. Masturbatory displays of instrumental virtuosity, even 45-minute ones, are excusable if there is sufficient advancement of the instrument. That is my criteria... at least the one I've just made up. Unfortunately, I'm not fully convinced that Satch isn't just phoning it in at this point. Don't get me wrong, his guitar work is formidable, but for my money, I think I'd pick up a Dragonforce album or a couple sets of strings instead.

-Brad Linzy

Rating: 2

Valet

Naked Acid CD (Kranky)

The second solo album from Portland guitarist/vocalist/inner space traveler Honey Owens, Naked Acid is a brilliant piece of twilight psychedelia with some nicely out-there touches. But unlike others (not naming names), she wisely never fully loses sight of the songs themselves - pulling them back in when they wander off too far. Owens” drifty, distant vocals are seemingly pulled from another ghostly dimension, and her guitar is both melodic and ferocious, often at the same time. Pieces like the unforgettably-titled “F*ck It” are wispy slices of proto-ambient blues, if that makes any sense, with only a Spartan drum amidst the layers of guitar noise and lysergically-driven effects. “Fire” almost returns to Earth (hah) and is as close to a pop-song as Owens is likely to pen, while the closer, “Streets,” boasts some surprisingly jacked-up some drum programming alongside the jagged drones. Astoundingly beautiful and individual work here.

-Todd Zachritz

Rating: 5

Hole in the Sun

Night Ranger (VH1 Classic)

It's been over 10 years since their last studio album and 25 years since the initial formation of the group, and Night Ranger is back with a new set of original studio material that's actually not half bad. Most will remember Night Ranger by their signature string of 80s hits like "Don't Tell Me You Love Me," "When You Close Your Eyes," "(You Can Still) Rock in America," and "Sister Christian," and this new effort, put out on the new VH1 Classic label, includes performances from three of the original members and seems to have earned its place among their classic early records. Any time a band comes back together after such a long hiatus, there is always the danger of a complete and embarrassing face-flop, but with guitarist and originating member Brad Gillis still on board and all the rock cylinders firing, Hole in the Sun does justice to a band for which Gillis once forsook a permanent gig as Ozzy Osbourne's axeman. As an added bonus, for nostalgia's sake, they've included acoustic versions of "Sister Christian" and "Don't Tell Me You Love Me." Not a bad little record.

-Brad Linzy

Rating:3

Dead Child

Dead Child CD (Quarterstick/Touch & Go)

Louisville, Kentucky, has a rich musical pedigree, especially in Indie-rock circles. As the birthplace of the ultra-influential Slint, the city’s legacy is important indeed. It’s been well over a decade since Slint (who had local ties - they played their final show here at UE, and guitarist David Pajo went to school here, albeit briefly) disbanded. Members have been around, in bands like The For Carnation, Zwan, and Tortoise, but some members reconvened in 2005 for a brief (and sold-out) Slint “final” tour, and, oddly enough, formed the wonderfully-named Dead Child. This is metal, pure and simple. Classic metal - as in Iron Maiden and Judas Priest (maybe a little Ozzy, even). In fact, much of this would fit really nicely alongside those acts, as vocalist Dahm (from Indie rockers Phantom Family Halo) channels both Dickinson and Halford as well as anyone. And using inspirations from great horror fiction and film (“Twitch of the Death Nerve” is a song title, for example), this crunchy, antisocial mix is tight and ballsy, just as well-forged metal should be. “Angel Of The Odd” is rollicking ride into Beelzebub’s bowels, and “Wasp Riot” just begs for denim jackets and fist-pumping. I bet they’re a hoot live, too. Metal up yer arse!

-Todd Zachritz

Rating: 3

American Speedway

Ship of Fools CD (Prophase/MVD Audio)

All-American balls-out RAWK from this Philly band who are hell-bent on busting their amplifiers and your eardrums, if you get too close. This is simple stuff, with no scenester poses or slick haircuts. American Speedway is about the rock of it. And it’s a heavy, yet well-measured dose (31minutes that don’t back down), easily for fans of the bare-bones adrenaline/sweat sounds of AC/DC or the Supersuckers. They don’t easily fit into metal or punk camps, though will easily appeal to fans of either side. “Cocaine” is destined to be an anthem for all times, with its raw and anarchic boost of energy. American Speedway is a blitzkrieg of boisterous ferocity with the power to shake some booty and crack some skulls in the process. Loved it.

-Rob Wickett

Rating: 4

New Morning (The Paris Concert) [DVD]

Stanley Jordan Trio (inakustik)

Employing a percussive two-handed tapping technique, completely beyond the faculties of most guitarists, of pull-offs and hammer-ons that require an alternate tuning on a custom guitar to properly execute, Stanley Jordan manages to both inflame and soothe the mind with his inventive interpretations of modern and classic repertory. Strolling through the likes of The Beatles, Mozart, and Coltrane, Jordan and his capable Trio show off their impressive range as jazz and fusion musicians. Beginning his music career as a classically trained pianist, his live show features instances of him playing both guitar and piano at once, using each instrument as a counterpoint to the other. Even while playing guitar alone, you get the sense Jordan still thinks he’s on a piano with that wild technique. Guitar junkies, pay attention! This guy is the real deal – one of the most inventive and incredible virtuosos on six strings. Edward Van…who?

-Brad Linzy

Rating: 4

Ween

The Friends EP CD (Chocodog)

Wow, another little (20-minute, 5-song) self-release from Dean and Gene, and it starts with a bang! The title track is an outright disco number...it’s cutesy and even clubby, in the worst over-the-top sense. Catchy track, too, and this one proves that Ween is capable of so very much musically. And you can be sure it’s firmly tongue-in-cheek, naturally. Apparently, these cuts are odds and ends, as they were recorded at different times, and it sounds this way, though it’s no more schizophrenic than any other Ween release. “King Billy” is an ode to some great reggae/dub masters, and sways with a rocksteady beat and some farty little noises. Prime! Jammy and hammy is the way, and “Light Me Up” is a Latin-flavored number full of boastful optimism from the dealer’s point of view. Tony Montana, anyone? And the final song, “Slow Down Boy” is a schmaltzy slice of baroque pop (complete with faux-English accent). Masterful. Never underestimate the power of a little ween!

-Rob Wickett

Rating: 4

The Friends EP

Ween (Chocodog)

This 5-song EP begins with a remix of the song “Friends” from 2007’s full length release. The uninitiated neophyte will probably not grapple the tongue-in-cheek nature that often defines Ween and will immediately – within the first 2 bars of music – arrive at the, perhaps correct, conclusion that this is the gayest song in the history of mankind. In fact, it couldn’t be any gayer if it put on rainbow-colored stockings and assless Cher chaps and started voguing in a strobe light to Wham’s Greatest Hits. But familiarity with Ween’s sense of humor make the song a riot to listen to. The following track, “I Got to Put the Hammer Down,” is a blubbering, techno-inspired ditty with typical Ween cheesiness slathered all over it. “King Billy” and “Light Me Up” reprise the false Mexican accent employed so successfully on other Ween tunes of yore, like "Buenos Tardes Amigo," but, in the case of the former, laid over a Rastafarian calypso vibe and with noisy, out-of-place guitar and synth solos that one cannot help but make ugly sex faces to. The latter, probably the best song on the EP, is a Latin-infused jaunt that recalls the best of Ween and once again demonstrates why the best bands are free to explore any musical style they want without seeming pretentious or intrusive. It’s probably a good thing Dean and Gene Ween saved “Slow Down Boy” ‘til the end of the EP, as it actually made me kind of uncomfortable. The lyrics are, apparently, about a gay love between a photographer and a young male supermodel that are sung with Gene’s best Duran Duran impersonation, and the whole thing pretty much crosses that line all hetero men place upon themselves with the lyric in the bridge, “I've watched you from the back seat. Crying as he walked away. I see beauty in the future. Lay back and let him blow you away.” Ick. But, hey, it’s Ween. If they’re not making you cringe from time to time, they’re not staying on the edge. In all, this little EP doesn’t do much to either help or harm their reputation as one of the most creative and fun bands out there.

-Brad Linzy

Rating: 3

Film Reviews & DVD Previews

Chad Benefield — Tue, 27 May 2008 21:31:23 GMT

FILM PREVIEWS

June 6th

You Don’t Mess With The Zohan (Sony Pictures)

Well, you don’t drop a hairdryer into a bathtub either, but I have a feeling I’m going to. Adam Sandler stars as a Middle-Eastern commando who fakes his own death in order to live out his dreams of becoming a hairstylist in New York City. Zohan costars Rob Schneider (Send me your Lortab, people! All your Lortab!) and is directed by Dennis Dugan, the man who gave us last year’s I Now Pronounce You Upchuck and Larry. I’m filling the tub full of water. Now, I’m plugging in the CONAIR Watt Ion Shineâ Ceramic Styler. Goodbye, cruel world!

June 13th

The Happening (Fox)

The last time M. Night Shyamalan cast one of the Wahlberg brothers in a movie, he scored a massive box office and critical hit with 1999’s The Sixth Sense. In that film, Donnie Wahlberg, of New Kids On the Block (Ugh!) fame, played gunman Vincent Grey. In The Happening, his younger brother, Mark Wahlberg, stars as Elliot Moore, a family man on the run from a mysterious natural phenomenon that is wiping out mankind. As usual, Shyamalan is keeping plot details under wraps. That is key for a man who likes to end his movies with a twist. But those twists haven’t truly worked since Unbreakable. Signs was fine until those stupid-looking aliens showed up. And what about the so-called twist ending in The Village? Even Ronnie Milsap could have seen that one coming!

June 13th

The Incredible Hulk (Universal)

It’s never a good sign when a film’s star refuses to talk about the project. And that’s just what has happened with director Louis Leterrier’s The Incredible Hulk. Reports suggest that Edward Norton, who stars as Bruce Banner/The Hulk, went to war with Marvel comics over the final cut of the film and Leterrier was stuck somewhere in the middle of the wrangling. Apparently, Norton is so pissed off, he’s turned green and stomped away. The last thing this movie needs is this kind of press. Remember, it was just five years ago that Ang Lee directed Hulk and that was as boring as the race for a Republican presidential nominee. Do audiences even still care about the Not-So-Jolly Green Giant?

June 20th

The Love Guru (Paramount)

It seems the architects of the Bible could have had the foresight to list the films of Mike Myers as one of the Biblical plagues. It seems Nostradamus, with all of his overblown prophecies about the end of the world, could have at least given us some warning that this thing was headed our way! But no! Here comes the Guru Pitka and we, as a civilization, are grossly unprepared. The cineplexes of the United States aren’t equipped to deal with such an impending disaster. But I am. Before I go into the theatre, I am going to prepare for Doomsday. I am going to pack a Rubbermaid tote with bottles of water, canned goods, a hand-powered radio, an LED flashlight and a rifle. Trust me, Gloria Gaynor! I will survive too!

June 27th

WALL-E (Buena Vista)

If there’s a sure-fire hit in the month of June, it’s this. Why? Because, in case you haven’t noticed, the company known as Pixar (Toy Story, Finding Nemo and The Incredibles) is worth its weight in gold. WALL-E tells the story of the last robot left on Earth. Yep, we packed up and moved and forgot to turn the robot off. Isn’t that just like us? So, WALL-E’s spent the last couple of centuries just wandering around Waste Allocating! That is until very unexpected company arrives. This is family-friendly, money-making fare. However, there is one slight warning for parents. Much of WALL-E is dialogue-free. That part actually intrigues me. In fact, I think it’s genius. I also think director Andrew Stanton is genius. He wrote and directed Finding Nemo, one of my favorite animated movies of all-time.

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VIDEO REVIEWS

June 3rd

The Eye (Lionsgate)

There is so much wrong with this Dr. Phil couldn’t fix it. But the most glaring problem with this Juin Gui remake is the fact that after concert violinist Sydney Wells (Jessica Put-Her-Out-Of-My-Misery-Please! Alba) undergoes a double corneal transplant, she starts to see... and hear ghosts. Did you read that last line carefully? She has eye surgery and she starts to hear ghosts. This gal is a miracle of modern medicine. She can hear with her new eyes! Heck! Get me a pair of those peepers! I’ll ram a piece of chocolate cake into my face and see if I can taste with them too! GRADE: F

June 3rd

Semi-Pro (New Line Cinema)

Will Farrell continues to lose box office credibility and movies like this are the reason why. Sadly, Semi-Pro actually made more news after it left theatres. Do you remember the bear that Farrell’s basketball star, Jackie Moon, was going to wrestle for a publicity stunt? If you didn’t see the movie, you probably saw him in the movie’s trailer. Well, in real life, that bear attacked and killed his trainer. I don’t know for sure, but I would assume that freak accident sent chills up the spine of Farrell and his film crew. Maybe, if we’re all lucky, it will serve as a sort of wake-up call. Will Farrell, wrestling a bear isn’t funny. Will Farrell, Jackie Moon isn’t funny. Will Farrell, you’re not funny. But you know what’s funny about the word “funny?” It starts with the letter “F!” And, speaking of which . . . GRADE: F

May 6th

The Bucket List (Warner Brothers)

Rob Reiner (The American President, A Few Good Men, Misery) has made good films. This, unfortunately, isn’t one of them. For me, this movie kicked the proverbial bucket quickly and here’s why. Jack Nicholson’s hospital-owner character, Edward Cole, undergoes major brain surgery minutes into the film. However, he never seems to suffer from pain. The man has a scar on his head the length of the Mississippi and he never winces. Even more unbelievable is Morgan Freeman’s character, Carter Chambers. He’s battling cancer alongside Edward in the oncology ward, but no one treats him at all. He just lay in the bed and watches doctor after doctor, nurse after nurse treat his roommate. I actually like the idea behind this movie. In fact, I think everyone should make a bucket list. Just make sure seeing this isn’t on yours. GRADE: C-

June 17th

Fool’s Gold (Warner Brothers)

The first time Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson collaborated we got How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days, which made me want pick at my scabs and eat my own hair. I know the old adage suggests that if, at first, you don’t succeed you should try again. Well that’s a bunch of _____ (insert the profanity that serves as the name of a popular drinking game)! What more can you say about a movie that is directed by Andy Tennant, the man who gave us Hitch (shoot me!) and Sweet Home Alabama (shoot me now!) and written by John Chaflin and Daniel Zelman, the dynamic duo who gave us Anaconda 2: The Hunt For Blood Orchid? Trust me! The 2008 movie season has been devoid of real gold. This is only the fool’s brand! GRADE: F

June 24th

10,000 B.C. (Warner Brothers)

Yes, 10,000 B.C. or Horton Heard A Spear Flying By His Head. Director Roland Emmerich (Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow) has made a career for himself with big-budget special effects and low-budget storylines. As expected, 10,000 B.C., the story of a young mammoth hunter trying to free his tribe mates from a ruthless warlord, fits the bill. Some of the special effects are amazing. That’s a given with Emmerich. But there’s just too much here that doesn’t work. As with Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto, there is big race going on in the jungle and I don’t really care who wins. Even more bothersome is a cast full of characters named D’Leh, Evolet, Tic’Tic, and Nakudu, who all speak perfect English. If they’re going to speak English in 10,000 B.C. just named them Todd, Larry, Hank and Doris. GRADE: C (But at least it’s not an F)